Sunday, October 23, 2016

Am I her mother now?

everything changed so fast

but it feels like if I am slowly exchanging roles with my mom

had you eaten? yes? but your back is wet, you probably had not eaten enough, check your glucose level

3,3?

well, here is your juice and food and we check the glucose in an hour

why are there blood spots in the sink? do you have blood in the throat again? no? is it from the gums? you have way too hard toothbrush, here is extra soft one

and what about your blood pressure?

and she is perfectly fine, sometimes those kind of days just happen

like when I forgot how to hold a spoon or switch the light

just completely forgot

my mother has those days too

but in her case, it is way more dangerous, because she has such a weak heart

I feel responsible for her

and she talks, that she is gonna die soon

I said, that first we wait for the results from your tumor that we will get in a week and then, if necessary, we will talk about the bad things

I am afraid she is losing the desire to live

says, that she is falling apart

I told her it is perfectly normal for her age and after all she looks 20 years younger, than she is

everybody tell that

and how can she be preparing to die, when she looks so good?

I am not sure it is a good idea to come back to Finland

I think I am needed here now

but we will see

in a week

hopefully everything will be fine

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